Special K- Day 2

I started the Special K challenge yesterday. (I refuse to call it a diet because I MUST beat a CHALLENGE!) I weighed 149.2 when I woke up yesterday; down .4lbs which is quite surprising since I had two bowls of chips and fatty dips through the day. I went to a New Year party yesterday and had more potato chips and dip, a peice of breaded (broiled) chicken, three cheese cubes, and half a thin slice of ice cream cake but stuck to the challenge for my other four meals and woke up at 148.0! I had a bit of a slip today. There was this big disgression on how long I was supposed to work today because someone went home sick so my four hours of work were supposed to become seven but turned out to be five. But I ate when I was still supposed to work seven hours. I had a patty melt and potato salad because I hadn't brought any Special K with me thinking I'd be home in time to eat. But when I talked to my dad, he said he was making fillet mingnon which is a rare treat, especially to a college student, so I had some with his new absolutely amazing sauce recipe and a corn dish with carmalized green peppers I want to recreate. To make up for having two regular meals, I only ate two Special K meals: a meal bar and a cereal bar. I hope I still lose weight. Lucky my metabolim is reved from eating a lot of chips since Christmas.

New Years

I've fell of the diet and exercise band waggon after a quite troubling Christmas. Comfort food was needed and while I haven't gained for lack of real appetite, I haven't lost an ounce. But things are looking up now and the numbers will be going down. I'm starting the Special K challenge tomorrow. I went out and bought tons of the stuff today. I'm enjoying a little last romp with some portion controlled treats tonight the I'm on a strict diet for two weeks until I go back to school and after that a total makeover of my cafeteria diet (made easier by getting out of class before the healthy cafeteria closes and the fact that I never actually liked the food at the others).

149.6

So this is it. One week til Christmas. Hopefully, I can get into the spirit next week. With major cram sessions for finals, moving, and endless hours at work I haven't really time to.
But on the bright side I finally saw 149.6 on the scale this morning. It's a tiny victory but a victory all the same.
I haven't been very hungry lately. I guess once my body realised that it wasn't running around campus constantly busy it also realised it didn't need as much food. I'm not eating very often and only a fraction of my usual portions. I'm trying to only eat super healthy foods but if I don't slip up and eat junk food I don't reach my target 1000 calories. The past two days, due to crazy circumstances popping up I decided to have my cheat day but wound up eating as much as I cared to and still winding up neatly below the 1000 mark. :)

So I'm pretty sure I've stayed under 1000 calories the past two days. I just haven't really felt like eating. Or doing anything really. I've been doing my hour of exercise, working, and sleeping a lot. I don't have work tomorrow and I haven't been able to go grocery shopping since I got to my parents house so I'm not sure whether or not I'll eat tomorrow; it depends on if I have an appetite. Hm.
Weight: 150.0

Meh

I finally weighed myself today. I was expecting something like 155 or 160. So it was a bit less devistating to see 151.2. Still it's disquistingly high. My BMI is 23.7. I want to be down to at least 135lbs by the end of break.
Yesterday, I had two eggs, 1/2 a peice of toast, a peanutbutter and banana sandwich, milk, mtdew, a Special K snack bar, and some sort of chicken pot pie-like thing my dad made. I have calorie counts for everything but the chicken dish which I estimate to be between 200-400 so my intake for yesterday was somewhere between 1010 and 1210. Right around my target.
Today, I'm liquid fasting with my normal rules of liquids til dinner then a 400 calorie limit on what ever my dad makes.

Unknown

I still don't know what I weigh. Finals were stressful. I ate WAY TOO MUCH! I feel so fat! I couldn't step on the scale this morning. It was too stressful; too early; too fat; too much. It would have made me depressed. It would have messed up my intake. It would have ruined my good day.
I can list excuses for hours.
I'm doing a liquid fast Monday. I'll weigh Monday. It'll drive me to not eat. The fast will make the number that tiny bit less scaring. I'll do it Monday.
Today wasn't great but it wasn't terrible. I had 1/3 of a bowl of oatmeal, less than 1/4 of a cranberry muffin, two bites each out of two holiday cookies, coffee, mtdew, a cup of vegetable soup, one serving of corn chips, a salad, and half a banana. I don't have calorie counts of several items but I can guesstimate that it came somewhere around 1500 calories give or take a couple hundred. It's above my goal, but the transition from what I eat at school is pretty drastic and it's only the first day.
The most current version of my plan is 1000 calories a day, 1 hour of exercise minimum five days a week, one liquid fast day per week, one cheat day a week with an absolute maximum of 2000 calories. Cheat days must NEVER follow fast days, however, fast days after cheat days are highly encouraged. I have to give myself Christmas; no calorie counting, no obsessing, just holiday cheer. I will update my weight each time I weigh in which will be at least twice a week. I have five weeks of break; my goal is fifteen pounds. Three pounds a week. Completely do-able.
It's not exactly ana but I think it's probably going to be healthier and easier to maintain.

For The Love Of Bones

Don't you just love bones? They're so lovely. Each one another acomplishment. <3
I haven't been eating much the past several days without really having to try. With finals coming up I guess I just don't have time to feel hungry. I guess I'm just lucky this week. Hope it lasts.
I want to do a fast. I think I'll start off Christmas break with one. Then again, it's a while off still.
Don't really have much to say. Just wanted to check in. Two weeks til I have to weigh in. So freaked out!

For Fear Of The Scale

EDNOS. It's the endless cycle in my head. 1)Starve- 2)try to starve- 3)eat too much- 4)think I'm better- 5)feel the scratching inside my head and fat- 6/1)start again. #1 Check. #2 Check. #3 Check. #4 Check. #5 Check.
I'm afraid to step on the scale. I haven't weighed myself in about two months. Unbelievable from the girl who once couldn't enter the bathroom without stepping up. I made a vow when I first found ana when I was 11 and 150lbs and that was that I would never weigh so much again in my life. I think I may have broken my vow. I can't bring myself to confirm. Instead I've given myself a date. December 11th. The first day I go back to my parents' house for Christmas break. That's when I'll weigh. I have sixteen days left to lose a hella lot of weight. I'll do it somehow. I've got Thanksgiving break to get myself together.
I'm not going to be the girl who comes back from her first year of college fat. My goal weight is 115. My low weight for the year was nearly 130. So my goal by the end of next semester is to drop back to my low weight then drop another 15lbs. A negative freshman fifteen if you will.
I can't stand this body anymore.
Starvation isn't an option while I'm at school- I tried restriction and nearly passed out within three days and I have to be able to function in school and with friends- so exercise and a healthy diet will be my main priority at school. Over the holidays however, I will be restricting and will most likely do a couple of short fasts. The skeleton of my plan to be a skeleton.
I really do need to blog; it makes me less lucid so I feel less deranged. I really am sliping. off the edge...